A Hard Man to Love Read online

  She whimpered at another slice of the hot, scraping claw inside of her. She must be going into labor. She curled into the fetal position, her eyes unfocused from the searing pain.

  “Derrick, wake up,” she panted, reaching back to grab his hand and squeeze with all her might.

  He roused from sleep, his voice groggy when he said, “Eva? What is it?”

  “I don’t know. I think . . . I’m going into labor.”

  She cried out in agony as her uterus felt like it twisted inside out.

  Derrick swore and bolted upright. He reached across her and grabbed the remote from the table beside the bed to turn on the lights.

  “I don’t know. This doesn’t feel right,” Eva said, her voice shaking in panic. Between her legs was wet, but if her water broke, was it supposed to feel so thick? “Something’s wrong.”

  With trembling fingers, she pushed the comforter off of her. That’s when she saw it.

  Blood.

  She screamed in horror. “No! No!” Her head fell back. A wave of nausea assaulted her from the pain and the sight of the garish red color staining her negligee. Her arms folded over her stomach in a protective gesture. “No. No.”

  Derrick sped into action, jumping off the bed and gathering her in arms. “Shh. I’ve got you, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”

  His voice remained calm, steady—the complete opposite to her panic-stricken cries seconds before. But she could feel his rapid heartbeat against her cheek as he lifted her in his arms and raced from the room.

  “Saunders!” he bellowed down the hall.

  The pain didn’t subside. It was excruciating and relentless. Eva’s arms tightened around Derrick’s neck. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She was losing her baby.

  “Saunders!” Derrick called again. “Help me!”

  She sobbed because of the pain. Sobbed because of her fears. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This was her miracle baby.

  ****

  She must have passed out.

  When she regained consciousness, she found herself bundled in a blanket in the back of one of the cars, cradled in Derrick’s arms. Outside the tinted windows, the lights of the city sped past as they raced up the highway.

  Derrick would take care of everything.

  That was her last thought before she closed her eyes and passed out again.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Derrick rose from the chair beside Eva’s bed when the doctor motioned him outside the VIP delivery suite at the hospital. She rested now, hooked up to beeping machines with an IV drip attached to one arm. The drugs had sedated her enough so she could get some relief from the pain.

  In the hall, the doctor’s sympathetic gaze behind horn-rimmed spectacles made his stomach twist uneasily.

  “Derrick!” A female voice came down the hall. Matthew and Cassidy rushed toward him with concern etched in their faces. “How is she? How’s the baby?”

  “I don’t know. The doctor’s about to give me an update now.” He didn’t feel like himself. Maybe that’s why his voice sounded like he’d chewed and swallowed a plateful of rocks. He’d never felt so helpless in his life.

  “Mr. Hoffman,” the doctor began in a soothing tone, “after examining your wife, we’ve determined there’s been a placental abruption.”

  “A what?”

  “A placental abruption. What that means is that the placenta has separated from the wall of the uterus. It doesn’t happen very often, and usually when it does occur, the effects are not serious and can be contained. Unfortunately, that’s not the case with your wife. Her condition is very problematic. She’s lost a lot of blood and continues to bleed, and the baby is not getting the necessary oxygen and nutrients it needs.”

  “Violet,” Derrick said, feeling dazed.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Violet,” he repeated. “Her name is Violet. We named her after Eva’s mother.”

  “Violet.” The doctor directed his gaze at the three of them. “Violet is experiencing what we call fetal distress. It’s too dangerous to induce labor. If we want to save her, we’ll have to take her immediately.”

  A soft sound of dismay came from Cassidy. She brought her hand to her mouth, and her fear-filled eyes looked up at Derrick.

  All of his senses seemed heightened and concentrated to form a stiffening tension from his neck up into his head. The lights were too bright, the air too thin, and the hospital sounds around him were too loud.

  “Did we do something wrong?” he asked, thinking back to him and Eva in the kitchen.

  “There are risk factors, none of which pertain to your wife. It’s one of those things that can happen, and it can’t be prevented. All we can do is limit the damage at this point.”

  “Is that safe to take Violet now? She’s got almost two months left. Will she be all right?”

  “Violet’s gestated for more than seven months. The chances of survival are very good.”

  Very good was not good enough.

  He needed to stay calm, but the doctor needed to understand what was at stake. Drawing on the steely restraint that had carried him through other difficulties, he laid his left hand on the doctor’s shoulder.

  “Derrick . . .” Matthew said.

  He lifted his other hand toward his younger brother. “It’s all right, Matt, I’m just talking to the man.” He looked the doctor in the eye. “Listen, that’s my wife and my daughter in there. I don’t care what you have to do, who you have to call, but you make sure they both come out of this, you understand me?”

  “Mr. Hoffman, I can’t promise—”

  He brought his face close to the doctor’s. “Do you understand me?”

  Matthew stepped forward. “Derrick, for God’s sake—”

  “Get back, Matt,” he snarled through his teeth, keeping his gaze locked on the doctor. The man had backed up, but Derrick’s hand tightened on his shoulder so he couldn’t escape. “Do you understand me?”

  The doctor nodded, gulping, and shoving his glasses further up on his nose.

  When he hurried away, Derrick leaned against the wall with his palm flat on the surface. With his head bent, he closed his eyes, clenching his other hand into a fist, and did something he couldn’t ever remember doing before. He prayed, no begged, for the health of his wife and safe delivery of his daughter, and that all the wrong he’d perpetrated over the years would not conspire against him to harm either one of them.

  He felt Cassidy’s little hand wriggle between his fingers and loosen his fist to hold tightly to him.

  “It’ll be okay,” she said softly. “Go. She needs you. We’ll be right here, okay? Waiting.” She squeezed his hand.

  ****

  Eva felt like she’d been run over by an eighteen-wheeler. When she shifted, pain cut through her, and she winced.

  “Easy.” Derrick’s voice came from beside the bed. She opened her eyes to find him looking at her. The corners of his mouth lifted into a small smile. “Hey.”

  Snatches of memory came back. They’d had to perform a Caesarean section to deliver Violet because of complications. Violet!

  Her gaze scoured the room. “How is she? Is she okay?”

  “Shh. She’s fine. They have her in the neonatal intensive care unit.”

  “I want to see her. Take me to her.” She tried to get up, but the effects of the general anesthesia and dull ache from the incision in her abdomen forced her to plop back against the pillows.

  He brushed the hair back from her face with a gentle hand. His touch soothed her racing heart. “You’re not in any condition to move around right now. You’ll see her later.” He held his smartphone up for her to see. “I know you hate how I always have this phone with me, but it came in handy. I took pictures.”

  He scrolled through the images. She saw her daughter at birth, covered in blood and fluids. Then there were photos of her in the NICU, inside an incubator to keep her warm, tubes attached to her body to give nourishment and help her little lungs breathe. She wa
s almost as pale as the sheet she slept on.

  “She’s going to be all right?”

  “So far, so good. The doctor said she’ll have to stay for a while—it could be a couple of weeks or longer—until she can do all the normal things on her own: breathing, sucking, swallowing. It depends on her progress.”

  The effects of the anesthesia made Eva feel groggy, and she closed her eyes. When she opened them again, Derrick looked down at her with worry lines creasing his forehead. She reached up and cupped his jaw. The rough hairs of morning stubble scraped the palm of her hands. “You were wonderful. You took care of me.” Her hand fell back to the bed.

  “I promised you I would. I couldn’t let anything happen to you or Violet.”

  If she told him her feelings, what would he say? What would he do?

  She should tell him now, whisper it, because her chest hurt with the need to say the words of love she’d held back all these months. Despite the rocky start to their marriage, maybe they could make this work. The idea didn’t seem far-fetched anymore, and Violet cemented their emotional bond.

  “I’m glad I wasn’t alone when it happened.” Her voice trembled. “I knew you’d take care of everything.” Tears filled her eyes. “I love you. I love you so much.”

  There. She’d said it.

  She didn’t know what she’d expected, but she hadn’t expected the color to drain from his face. “Never mind. I don’t know why I said that.” She twisted her head away from him, squeezing her eyes shut in humiliation. “It’s the anesthesia . . . I’m not myself right now. I don’t know why . . . I don’t know . . . I’m delirious.”

  “Eva—”

  “Derrick, it’s okay. I’m extremely emotional right now. I just had a baby, and I don’t feel like myself. You don’t have to say a word. I don’t know why I said such a thing. It’s okay. Really. It’s okay. I’m sorry.” She was babbling, and at the same time, she couldn’t look at him for fear of what she’d see in his eyes.

  She didn’t want to hear him say this wasn’t part of the deal, or some such nonsense he was fond of throwing at her. He’d been up front and honest with her about what to expect. He promised to take care of her and pledged his fidelity. Why couldn’t it be enough? Why did she keep reaching for more than he could give?

  “Are you saying you didn’t mean it?” he asked.

  She’d always done her crying over him in private, but this time she couldn’t stop the tears from slipping beneath her lids.

  “You said you love me.” He took her hand. She tried to pull away, but he tightened his grip.

  “I didn’t mean it,” she said in a broken whisper.

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “Please. I can’t do this now. It’s too hard.” She opened her eyes and stared across at the closed curtains.

  Derrick handed her a single tissue, which she used to wipe her nose. He still held on to her other hand. Sniffling, she lay there, wishing she could go back in time and stop the impulsive words from leaving her mouth.

  “I’ve never told anyone,” she heard him say. She listened, noting the somber tone of his voice, as if he were about to say something of great importance. “I never told anyone that I love them.”

  She turned her head slowly in his direction. “No one?”

  He shook his head.

  “Not even your mother?”

  “No. Maybe I did when I was a kid, but I don’t remember. We never said those kinds of things to each other. We didn’t have that kind of relationship. She wasn’t a bad mother. She was just . . . distant, I guess is the right word. When she married Phineas, they hired a nanny to watch over me, which made her life easier.”

  He swallowed, and she saw the difficulty it took to share his intimate feelings. She remained quiet so he could let it all out.

  “I was a mistake. In a way, I messed everything up for her—at least for a while. Once I was born and my father’s wife found out, he had to choose. My mother never wanted to have a child, so I guess I should be glad she didn’t get rid of me.” He rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand. “Phineas was a good man. He never told me he loved me, either, but when I think about it, I know he did. He told me on more than one occasion how proud he was of me.”

  “He trusted you, too. He left you everything.”

  Derrick nodded. “Crazy, but true.” He looked down into her eyes. “I love you, Eva. It took a long time for me to figure it out because I didn’t want to need anyone. But I need you.” He brought her hand to his lips, and her eyes flooded with tears. “I hope you meant it when you said you love me.”

  Her bottom lip quivered. “I did.” A tear glided out of the corner of her eye. “I was so afraid to tell you because I thought you didn’t care. When we were seeing each other, I wanted so much more, but you told me up front that you didn’t want a serious relationship.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I said, but believe me, that was a rehearsed speech I’d given to other women. It didn’t apply to you. I wanted you to myself almost from the beginning.”

  “Then why were you so distant? Why didn’t you ever let me meet your family? How could you bring another woman to the island when we were together? I don’t understand.”

  “It had nothing to do with you,” he said earnestly. “The weekend of my sister’s wedding, I planned to spend as much time with you as possible when I got to St. Simons Island. The truth is, I didn’t want you to meet my family because my family life was so messed up. I didn’t have a good relationship with anyone on my biological father’s side of the family. I didn’t want to introduce you into that mess. Our relationship was so good, I didn’t want to spoil it. That’s why I only let you meet Phineas. That was about the only normal family relationship I had at the time.”

  “So you weren’t ashamed of me or something like that?”

  “Ashamed of you? No! I thought if you knew how jacked up my family life was, you might not want to see me anymore.” He squeezed her hand. “Sweetheart, you were the one good thing in my life. I wanted to keep you separate from all the ugliness.” He lifted her hand to spread her fingers along his jaw. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

  “Maybe you’re not as terrible as you think,” she whispered.

  “You make me want to be a better man.”

  “Oh, Derrick.”

  “It’s true. And you have no idea how much I looked forward to our weekends together.”

  “Why didn’t you say something?”

  He shrugged. “I didn’t know how. And I didn’t know how you felt, either. When you mentioned that schmuck, James . . .”

  “He’s not a schmuck.”

  “When you mentioned that schmuck, James,” he said again in a harder tone, obviously not liking that she defended the other man, “it drove me out of my mind. Up until then, I assumed you weren’t seeing anyone because I wasn’t.”

  “I wasn’t ‘seeing’ James. He really was just a friend. But I’m surprised you weren’t seeing anyone else.”

  “No one. I swear. In fact, the woman I planned to take to the wedding wasn’t someone I was involved with. I just needed a date because I didn’t want to show up alone, and she didn’t mind accompanying me. My plan was to spend most of my time with you at the villa.” He smiled slowly. “For some reason, all I could think about was you, and no other woman had a chance.”

  Eva glowed from the inside out. “I didn’t know I had so much power,” she whispered.

  “Don’t take advantage too much. Go easy on me,” he whispered back.

  “I don’t think anyone can take advantage of you.” She sighed. “I do love you. With all my heart. Promise me we’ll always talk to each other. Just like this.”

  “I promise. Anything you want.”

  “Anything?”

  “Anything.”

  “Can I eat in bed?”

  “Eva . . .”

  “You said anything,” she reminded him with an impish grin.

  “All right.” He sh
ook his head. “You can have anything you want, sweetheart. All you have to do is ask.”

  ****

  The nurse came in later and gave Eva some pills for the pain. Derrick sat with her until she fell asleep, and then he quietly left the room.

  Outside in the waiting area, two couples and what looked to be grandparents sat watching the television mounted in the corner. Cassidy sat flipping through a magazine. Roarke had arrived, and he sat next to her, while Matthew paced the floor restlessly. They all three looked up.

  “Consider yourselves lucky to be here for this momentous occasion,” he announced. “Your beautiful niece, Violet Hoffman, has arrived, weighing in at a whopping three pounds, three ounces.”

  A cheer of relief went up in the room. Even the other people in the waiting room clapped and smiled. Cassidy ran over and gave him a hug. “I knew it,” she said. “I knew she’d be fine.”

  Since only parents were allowed in the NICU, they couldn’t see Violet in person, but Derrick showed them the photos he’d taken with the camera phone.

  Matthew offered to buy a box of “It’s a Girl” cigars from the gift shop. “I know these aren’t as good as what you’re used to,” he said to Derrick.

  “It’ll do for now,” he replied.

  The four of them went outside into the early morning. The sun was just beginning to rise on a new day. After a couple of puffs, Cassidy started coughing, followed by Matthew.

  “I can’t do this,” Cassidy said, wheezing.

  “Don’t inhale,” Derrick advised.

  She put out the cigar and left the smoking to her brothers.

  Derrick blew his smoke up into the early morning sky. He suddenly realized the most important people in his life were all here in the same place. His wife and daughter were safe upstairs, and his brothers and sister were lending their support beside him.

  A wry smile lifted one corner of his mouth.

  Life couldn’t be better.

  Chapter Fifteen